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HVG Extra Psychology
For many, the Christmas season is all about compulsive happiness, the desire to achieve perfection, and often stress, but by developing our personal attitudes, we can do much for the happiness of ourselves and our environment. Henriet Nagy, a clinical psychologist and associate professor, was asked about the solutions and his new book, Happiness Diary.
A little restrained, a little anxious, a little insecure, yet Christmas is approaching, and with it the familiar excitement, preparation, joy and depth.
We should be happy at Christmas, so many people are chasing happiness, and the end result is often stress and tension. What could be the background reasons?
Not only do people hunt for joy at Christmas, but it is true that this desire is on the rise during this period for a number of reasons. One, many people today experience feelings of unhappiness, and few people have a healthy relationship with happiness. I emphasize a “healthy relationship” because it is not a matter of trying too hard for happiness in any way and experiencing it in the hope that they will be happy with their many other responsibilities.
But unhappiness can also occur when a person is afraid to live or express their positive emotions. The high level of stress associated with modern life also plays an important role in the development of this situation; There is so much to do, the forced sharing of attention, which involves receiving and processing a lot of information. At the same time, stepping on the Annan wheel and being in robot mode focuses on the important things on an individual level, the experience of positive emotions. When one reaches this state for the festive season, Christmas can appear as a kind of work, there is a lot to do, the need to strive for perfection, and the compulsion to crowd a lot during this short period. All of this can really make the holidays stressful.
What are the external and internal factors that stimulate expectations and put us under pressure?
Not only Christmas but most of the happiness of the people is related to their circumstances. Thus, during the holidays, we can imagine that intimacy and quality combinations depend on the perfect dinner, beautiful gifts, as well as compulsory entertainment. However, this is only partially true, because the circumstances affect the feeling of happiness by 10-15 percent, to some extent It depends on the individual attitude Happiness. It is not possible to create festive moments under the compulsion of striving for perfection and fulfilling high expectations – in fact, the result is often the opposite.
It is no exaggeration to say that behind all this is the influence of social media where people often fall into the trap of social comparison, where everyone is in their best form and happiness.
Excessive use of social media can put a lot of pressure on users, even though they know that content shows integrated moments and is in a sense fake images. Anyone who pays serious attention to this content will inadvertently start comparing it to others, not “satisfying enough” and striving for perfection. It shows the compulsion to obey, the unrealistic expectations placed on oneself, and the fear of losing something. Together, this can lead to constant dissatisfaction, impatience, and frustration, as others’ lives may seem more interesting, Christmas is more special.
Great Henriet
© Zsolt Reviczky
What can we do to make the Christmas season truly enjoyable and to avoid quarreling at the family table?
As I already mentioned, it does not matter how and in what mood a person arrives during the festive season. An important question is how far we have been able to “go” after a year of rush, or fatigue and exhaustion. Unrealistic expectations Establish dominance. Let us turn these days into intimacy and happiness by turning to each other with positive empathy. That is, remember positive events, explore how others are, rejoice with each other, listen to music, or watch movies with fond memories. However, inconsistencies also need to be noted Issues are discussed Do not take time to celebrate Christmas, because the tensions may get worse and their experience may become more profound.
Nowadays, how do you understand the concept of happiness, is it an accurate description, or is it a very personal feeling?
We can talk about happiness in the general sense of the word and in the terms used by positive psychology. In the case of the first, we think of weak and fleeting moments or feelings that are actually very special and subjective. Science, on the other hand, describes happiness as a permanent and lasting quality based on the fact that the individual has it. The basic level of happiness. According to research, in the long run people have a certain level of satisfaction in their life, which is determined to some extent by the circumstances already mentioned. But more often than not, it is about how many negative and positive emotions, feelings, and moods a person experiences in their daily lives.
So from here, things get trickier, and this is where the true happiness lies! This means that they naturally pay attention to good things and are not guided by expectations, they see life as beautiful, and they can automatically look for good things in the people and events around them. This kind of healthy positivity is based on a sense of realism about reality, which does not avoid or distort negative things.
Happiness is 50 percent genetically determined, writes a Can we be happy? In his book, he now sets the share of circumstances at 10-15 per cent, and mentions the problem of personal attitudes. Released now Diary of happiness It also provides opportunities to improve yourself through a variety of exercises. Do I think your new book is an important message that can do a lot for us?
A Diary of happiness It’s really a message that we can control our destiny with a conscious attitude, because even though circumstances affect our happiness, we can do a lot with our attitude to make our lives better. How satisfied we are and how we see the world in a healthy way also depends on our decisions and habits. I wrote the book in the form of a diary, because diary writing as a way of expressing oneself cultivates emotional awareness, which is an important factor in cultivating a sense of happiness.
One of the aims of the book is to develop healthy positivity using a variety of methods related to the past, present and future. Although change in this direction is a slow process, consistent training always pays off. If we live in “robot mode”, we are aware of our responsibilities, but we may lose access to our own desires. If we cannot specify the goals that make us happy, we will begin to measure ourselves to others and unknowingly begin to pursue the goals of others, which will not make us happy. Diary writing helps us to learn how to focus on our own lives. It teaches us how to remember good things from the past, how to live meaningfully in our daily lives, and how to express inner and joyful goals.
Lippai Roland
Attend the next free online HVG Extra Psychology Salon Great Henriet We ask about happiness and its realization. The event’s Facebook page Find out here.
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