Protecting yourself from stressful situations is almost impossible. But it is important to learn to deal with stress and emotions without hurting others.

We need to know that anger is an innate mechanism of self-defense. That is why it is so difficult to control. Given that stressful situations surround us on a daily basis, it is not surprising that at times we give free rein to aggression. In these cases, the most common victims of our nerves are family members.

Sylvia Marinova, a psychologist from Science, recommends several proven ways to calm your nerves:

1. Count to 10

If you feel angry or resentful, take a few deep breaths.

Harvard professor Andrew Weil is convinced, That proper breathing is the key to calm. When a person is angry, he breathes in and out quickly. If we begin to breathe evenly and deeply, the tension will be relieved.

The most common way is to slowly count to 10 with proper breathing. Try to make the exhale longer than the exhale. This will not only reduce the adrenaline levels but also eliminate your worries. In addition, this method is very effective in combating insomnia.

2. You need to pay attention

Susan Nolen-Hoxzema, a psychologist at the University of Michigan, says it is important to divert attention from the source of the attack. When we recreate unpleasant situations in our head, we become panicked and provoke a new anger. A study by Brad Bushman, a professor at the University of Ohio, confirms this: When a person remembers something offensive, he responds more sharply to even the slightest provocation.

In one experiment, Bushman was criticized and insulted by a “dummy” student. One group of them was asked to beat Mannequin and think of his humiliation, while the others were asked to focus on the things on the side. The subjects in the first group become more aggressive and vengeful.

3. Slowly

With strong emotional stimulation, people inadequately assess the situation. If you feel louder, wait a while. This will help you not to say sorry later. Think about exactly what you want to convey to the interlocutor and most importantly – how to do it without hysteria.

The best solution is to walk alone for 20 minutes. It allows you to focus on yourself and let go of your anger without hurting yourself and others. Try to walk fast and pay attention to everything that is going on around you. In addition to a walk, you can take dance lessons, go to the gym or ride a bike. When you return, you can safely continue the conversation.

If you have already started with abusive words, find the strength to stop and not continue. This will save you a lot of nerves. There are many ways to maintain self-control. Before spreading negative emotions, stop and scrutinize the person you want to hurt. You may have someone in front of you who needs your support and love. Think about it and try to look at your reaction from the side.

It is also helpful to go in the mirror and look at yourself when your next anger erupts. Whenever you want to yell at someone, remember your appearance and think about it.

4. Identify the cause of your anger

Psychologists say that artificially maintaining a good mood and suppressing emotions is unhealthy. On the contrary – the expression of emotions, reduces stress and increases immunity. This conclusion was reached by Giora Keenan, a professor at Tel Aviv University.

It is important to learn to accept your feelings and to express them properly. Experts in emotion-focused therapy say that anger is often a secondary emotion that obscures fear, anxiety, shame, and guilt. Take care of yourself. Cry when you feel pain. If something irritates you, call on the pillow.

Examine the stages of your anger: What are the most common causes of anger? It is also useful to pay attention to the physical reactions before the onset of anger. These may include jaw tightness, rapid heartbeat, flushing, increased sweating, numbness in the temples, and a slight tingling sensation in the neck or shoulders. Observe these sensations carefully: when do they appear and how do they pass?

This will help you to stay calm in any situation. If you feel like you are starting to “boil”, use the techniques described above.

5. Share with loved ones

Another way to control your emotions is to seek the support of loved ones. Overcoming obstacles alone is more difficult. Tell them about your anger and that you are trying to work on your self-control. Explain to them that you are sorry for the outburst of anger and how important it is to learn how to solve problems in a more sophisticated way.

In this way you will make it clear that the feelings of your loved ones and their relationship with them are very important to you. Most likely, they will not only listen carefully and try to understand, but also give you some useful advice. You can ask family members to greet you whenever you can contain negative emotions.

6. Find a stop duma

Find a way to remind yourself that it’s time to stop. For example, come up with a stop word and share it with your loved ones. If any of you say so, try to end the fight. This will help you to avoid meaningless insults and move on to constructive discussion.

It is also useful to make a note of yourself with a few sentences. You may write, “Is it more important for me to be dissatisfied or to stay in a relationship?” Always keep it on hand and re-read it to reduce emotional intensity at the right time. The ability to stop fighting seems like a weakness to some people, even if it is a sign of strength.

7. Keep a diary of your feelings

You can write on paper what you cannot express out loud. It not only helps to get rid of destructive emotions and looks at the problem from another angle but also helps to develop emotional intelligence. Try to keep a diary of anger for a month. Write down all the outbursts of anger and their causes and the feelings you experienced. Feel free to express yourself.

You will soon notice that you have become better at distinguishing your conditions and emotions. Most importantly, you can consciously avoid situations that often provoke anger. By the way, there is no need to keep such a diary on paper.

8. Review your routine

Chronic stress is a common cause of breakdowns. You may not get enough sleep, not get enough exercise, or eat poorly. Think of your anger as a sign that something needs to change.